Hello, I am back finally after a gazillion yrs. Haha. Ok, this might gonna b a long and boring post coz I've gt quite a bit to share about myself. So pardon me. >< color="#6600cc">this is not a sad post, it's something I feel like sharing with you people. What's over is over, I am happy as I used to be now.
1. Firstly, CONGRATS to 6 flowers (and myself) that you all have graduated! :) We have all decided what to do next, at least for the next few yrs. So that's gd. So gd luck in your future endeavours, no matter if you going to work to study. :)
As for dragon, we'll wait for you to graduate and accompany through your NS days ok? So work hard now and graduate soon arh!
2. Guys, thanks for coming to the wake. I feel really touched and happy. No words can describe. Truly, only in times of need you'll see who are your true friends. You guys are one bunch of mine. =D Shereen, I know you can't make it, I understand. So, don't worry.Over the 1 week wake, I didn't cry except when I got the news my grandma pass on . I felt better, really, or maybe I thought so.The day of crementation was torturing for me. I cried hard and badly. ( Jim said he was kinda stunned to see me in that way. haha) I couldn't imagine in just a few minutes my grandma's face and body would be gone and into ashes. I can't see her anymore. Oh, FYI, she was baptised few mths ago. Thus, the funeral was a christian one.
My christian relatives kept telling me she's in heaven, not suffering anymore, when i agitatedly ask where my grandma gone to. Tears kept rolling down my cheeks, uncontrollably. You know when sometimes you are so desperate and sad that you would keep shouting and ask dumb questions when crying? Yah, I was in that state sub conciously. I remember I asked (or screaming) questions like " Where ah ma has gone to?", "Ah ma, come back!", "Ah ma, I'm sorry.", "Ah ma, rest in peace?", "Why of all my ah ma gt such an illness (colon cancer), She's still young." and the sentence I repeated the most " I got no (paternal) ah ma anymore/ You know I got no ah ma anymore, you know????". I think Jim was also lost in seeing me like this, to a state where he didn;t know how to console me. At that time, I didn't need any consoles from anyone, really. I just wanna cry out loud. I got a few stares from my relatives, those not so close ones. haha. I guess they are shocked I reacted this way, but who cares? I thought I will have a good cry that day, and after that day I will not shed anymore tears and lead a happy life.
From last year end till now, because of my grandma's illness, my family and relatives are more bonded and closer. Pros and cons I would say. Each and everyone of us would make an effort to visit my grandma every once, at least twice. The past two or three months, when her condition worsened, all of us went over almost everyday. You all might say when my grandma is sick and then visit her, isn't it too late? Yes, I know lah. Too late la. But I guess this is the most painful yet happiest moment of my grandma's life. Coz at least she knows we are there for her and have not given up on her. No one in the family was ingrateful or unfillial. She's very fortunate to have all her children and grandchildren taking turns to take care of her, even the doctors and nurses who visited said so too. I can see everyone did their part. I became closer to my grandma too. :) Because of this incident, I learnt to speak Hokkien. haha. Before that, I didn't know how to and didn't want to learn oso. Not say that my Hokkien is super fluent now, but I can speak at least speak simple short sentences and pronounce correctly.
I guess my second aunt is the most tiring, since she's living with my grandma and have to take care of her and her children and cope with her job. I think she really deserves an applause *claps*. She really did a good job, being so attentive towards my grandma and she really understands what my grandma wants, more than anyone else.Thinking back, I was lucky that I graduated this year, maybe heaven is giving me a last chance to take care of my grandma. Before I found a job, I accompanied her to hospital check-ups and went to visit her as frequently as I could. In between my two jobs, I was jobless for 2-3 weeks. So, I went to stay over at my grandma house to take care of my grandma during the weekdays when my auntie was working. When working, visited her aft work and during weekends. But, I feel I didn't do my best to take care of her. But well, it's over.
1. Firstly, CONGRATS to 6 flowers (and myself) that you all have graduated! :) We have all decided what to do next, at least for the next few yrs. So that's gd. So gd luck in your future endeavours, no matter if you going to work to study. :)
As for dragon, we'll wait for you to graduate and accompany through your NS days ok? So work hard now and graduate soon arh!
2. Guys, thanks for coming to the wake. I feel really touched and happy. No words can describe. Truly, only in times of need you'll see who are your true friends. You guys are one bunch of mine. =D Shereen, I know you can't make it, I understand. So, don't worry.Over the 1 week wake, I didn't cry except when I got the news my grandma pass on . I felt better, really, or maybe I thought so.The day of crementation was torturing for me. I cried hard and badly. ( Jim said he was kinda stunned to see me in that way. haha) I couldn't imagine in just a few minutes my grandma's face and body would be gone and into ashes. I can't see her anymore. Oh, FYI, she was baptised few mths ago. Thus, the funeral was a christian one.
My christian relatives kept telling me she's in heaven, not suffering anymore, when i agitatedly ask where my grandma gone to. Tears kept rolling down my cheeks, uncontrollably. You know when sometimes you are so desperate and sad that you would keep shouting and ask dumb questions when crying? Yah, I was in that state sub conciously. I remember I asked (or screaming) questions like " Where ah ma has gone to?", "Ah ma, come back!", "Ah ma, I'm sorry.", "Ah ma, rest in peace?", "Why of all my ah ma gt such an illness (colon cancer), She's still young." and the sentence I repeated the most " I got no (paternal) ah ma anymore/ You know I got no ah ma anymore, you know????". I think Jim was also lost in seeing me like this, to a state where he didn;t know how to console me. At that time, I didn't need any consoles from anyone, really. I just wanna cry out loud. I got a few stares from my relatives, those not so close ones. haha. I guess they are shocked I reacted this way, but who cares? I thought I will have a good cry that day, and after that day I will not shed anymore tears and lead a happy life.
From last year end till now, because of my grandma's illness, my family and relatives are more bonded and closer. Pros and cons I would say. Each and everyone of us would make an effort to visit my grandma every once, at least twice. The past two or three months, when her condition worsened, all of us went over almost everyday. You all might say when my grandma is sick and then visit her, isn't it too late? Yes, I know lah. Too late la. But I guess this is the most painful yet happiest moment of my grandma's life. Coz at least she knows we are there for her and have not given up on her. No one in the family was ingrateful or unfillial. She's very fortunate to have all her children and grandchildren taking turns to take care of her, even the doctors and nurses who visited said so too. I can see everyone did their part. I became closer to my grandma too. :) Because of this incident, I learnt to speak Hokkien. haha. Before that, I didn't know how to and didn't want to learn oso. Not say that my Hokkien is super fluent now, but I can speak at least speak simple short sentences and pronounce correctly.
I guess my second aunt is the most tiring, since she's living with my grandma and have to take care of her and her children and cope with her job. I think she really deserves an applause *claps*. She really did a good job, being so attentive towards my grandma and she really understands what my grandma wants, more than anyone else.Thinking back, I was lucky that I graduated this year, maybe heaven is giving me a last chance to take care of my grandma. Before I found a job, I accompanied her to hospital check-ups and went to visit her as frequently as I could. In between my two jobs, I was jobless for 2-3 weeks. So, I went to stay over at my grandma house to take care of my grandma during the weekdays when my auntie was working. When working, visited her aft work and during weekends. But, I feel I didn't do my best to take care of her. But well, it's over.
Grandma, rest in peace. :)
3. Recently, I've seen through lots of things, good and bad, in this practical world. I saw good human nature in some people and ugly side in some. Beyond words I can describe my appreciation and disappointment to these people. Caring and sincere relatives, aloof and uncaring relatives, ungrateful people taking others for granted. So so in return, I will treat them as how they treat me. Finally, I know some are already waiting to see this...
END OF POST! haha
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